The Confessions

Just as I have always believed, a hairdo can make a tremendous difference - sometimes not in a good way. I cannot believe she paid some Thai person to do that to her at the side of a street in Bangkok. Get a foot massage; get a cheap pedicure. Do not under any circumstance pay a Thai person to put fake hair into your rather more glamourous Toni and Guy haircut.

Maybe I am over-reacting. She DOES now look like a number of famous people: the lead singer of Counting Crow, all the chicks in Four Non-Blondes, the group of Jewish guys that sang "Baby, I Love Your Way" back in the 80s or 90s, some character on Babylon 5, the blue diva in The Fifth Element.

Sorry, O'Malley - I just could not resist. Although, as a friend, I shall have to look past this lapse of judgement and recognise the awesome, intelligent, black-ass chick hidden beneath that Muppet-top. Love you and miss you when you return to the States - and happy birthday!

Thanks for that wonderful bag in support of P. Hilton and the more tasteful maroon Puma, and the free chocolate thing from Starbucks. I will get you another you-know-what the next time you come back - or a gigolo, if that works better.

Anyone who claims to not need sex is a liar, and O'Malley, I think you have sinned enough.